Blog - Talk 2 More People

22 Oct Why You Need to Change Your Life by Meeting People

Posted at 07:03h in Blog

You need to change your life by meeting people.

More than 75 years of research indicates that good quality personal relationships are essential for your mental and physical health and can indicate how healthy you will be later in life. These high quality social relationships in mid-life are predictors of how healthy you will be later on. But this fact often gets overlooked in our ongoing pursuit of happiness.

Photo by Anthony DeLorenzo

My personal experience from a journey of intentionally meeting a new person every day for a full year absolutely changed my life. It helped me get out of depression, helped me build self-confidence and introduced me to my partner. Unlike the photo of me above from 2008, meeting new people had me head-over-heels in love with life and the daily pursuit of a meaningful goal.

Today I’ll share a short story – a recent, true story – of how meeting a stranger changed my life and explain why you need to change your life by meeting people too.

When Opportunity Knocks

Having recently left the big city for the small town of Canmore, Alberta we knew no-one here. Not a soul. On the third day in Canmore, there was a knock on the door. It was a man who I’d never met before, David. He was here to see if a remote control that he had forgotten was still in the apartment. It was. David was the tenant who lived in our apartment just before us.

I invited him inside and we talked for about a half an hour. Quickly we learned that we both have an appreciation for nature and for outdoor activities. He told me that last summer he cycled from Canmore to Banff more than 70 times and I mentioned that I really wanted to get a mountain bike. We agreed to go hiking together sometime and to keep in touch. I thought,

“Bonus! My first friend in this new town.”

Sometimes opportunity literally comes knocking at the door.

We exchanged phone numbers and have kept in touch. We have since gone hiking together.

Here’s how David – a total stranger – unknowingly changed my life.

On September 18th, he kindly sent me this photo of Ultimate Sports in Banff. As I had told him that I was in the market for a new bike, he pointed out to me that rental shops in Canmore and Banff often sell off their inventory at the end or the beginning of their seasons to make room for new equipment. As the bikes are used, they can sell for a good price, and they typically sell quickly.

That same day, we zipped up the road to Banff to see if we could score a deal. They didn’t have my size, but two weeks later (after a number of follow up calls), they did, and my partner and I each bought new (to us)/ used mountain bikes for just under $500 each.

This was so impactful for me because I had been feeling overwhelm at the idea of shopping for a bike in this bike-Mecca that is Canmore. So many questions were going through my head:

“Do I go for single suspension or dual suspension right away?

“How much will I actually use this thing as it’s going to start snowing soon?”

“How much should I spend on this new hobby at this time?”

Questions like this have held me back from starting to participate in a sport or activity that I’ve wanted to join in the past. It had been paralysis by analysis instead of just getting started doing the thing.

But David’s recommendation to check out the deals at the rental shop cleared away that confusion in one fell swoop. This was an answer that would suitably get me into the sport and for a good price. We each purchased an Aspect 960 for just under $500. Between the two of us, doing so saved us several hundred dollars on entry level bikes – which is what we need at this time.

Sometimes you just need a little nudge to try something new. And that nudge can come from a stranger.

We have since been cycling often and it’s been exhilarating. I’m starting cautiously as my first experience on a fat-bake up in the Yukon ended with a few bruises. Interestingly, that visit followed a spontaneous bike trip across Canada with a stranger, but that’s a story for another day.

Why is mountain biking so exhilarating?

it’s a new sport that I’ve now finally started to participate in
there are countless trails around my new home to explore at all levels of difficulty
it’s another way for me to exercise my body which is extremely important to me
I found my first bike by having a conversation with a stranger
my touring bike got stolen earlier this year and it’s great to get back in the saddle
I have now felt the rush from winding down a narrow, winding trail in the mountains challenging my skill level
it is providing further opportunities for me to meet new people

So that’s how a conversation with a stranger recently changed my life. There’s a very good chance that I would not have gotten past my sense of overwhelm at purchasing a bike this season had I not met David and told him that I was in the market for a mountain bike. Never mind the excitement that I’ve listed above by starting to ride the trails, but consider the physical and mental benefits for me to have this athletic outlet now? As a coach and virtual event producer and facilitator at Neole Inc., I clock my fair share of hours online and welcome the physical activity outdoors.

It’s Time to Change Your Life by Meeting People

Of course, you may not have friendly strangers literally knocking at your door, but my wish is for you to witness just how much good can come from at least being open to connecting with new people. I believe that it is essential for each of us to be open to these opportunities. They create moments of human connection and ripple effects of positivity.

What might you learn through your next conversation with a stranger?

How might you help a person out with your broad life, or business experience and make someone’s day? This is how friendships and meaningful relationships begin and as mentioned at the beginning of this article, those very relationships can actually extend your life. If you’d like to take a deeper look into the science behind that, do an internet search for the term, “Polyvagal Theory” and see what you learn.

I will be forever grateful to David for sharing his local knowledge so willingly and for helping my partner and I get into this amazing sport and more into the culture of this beautiful mountain town. I’ll see you on the trail!

If you would like to explore how you too can change your life by meeting people, book a complimentary 30-minute call with me and we will explore this together. As a Solution-Focused coach, I am sure that we will have an interesting and productive conversation.

Happy connecting.

Tony Esteves is a virtual event producer and facilitator at Neole Inc, a solution focused coach and a circus performer. Tony is also the author of the book, “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting people.” He is passionate about spending time in the mountains and creating human connection.

13 Aug How to Meet New People: Use Your Interests

Posted at 02:09h in Blog

A quick tip on how to meet new people

Learning how to meet new people can seem overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to. You can use your interests to meet new people. In this short video, I explain how you can do this too.

To read more detail about this technique, pick up the Talk2MorePeople Book.

It truly is worthwhile to use your interests to connect with people. Be courageous and dare to strike up a conversation with someone and you will likely be rewarded for doing so. The research proves that you are more likely to be liked than you expect so why not give it a try?

I met these people at Coastal Coffee near Lochalsh, Ontario. (which is close to Amberly and Kincardine, Ontario). I highly recommend their coffee and how they’ve made use of the old church is fantastic. Head in on a Friday or a Saturday and have a chat with Ben, Ben or Bri. They’ve got a really interesting story.

This enjoyable conversation with three strangers in this video was born because it was clear that they were cyclists. Having this in common with these people (the cycling) it was easy to strike up a conversation. You can do this too!

Don’t overthink it

Far too often we overthink our way out of taking small risks in life – like approaching a person we’ve never met before. But as most people don’t want to live with regrets, at some point, you’ve got to take some small risks.

Give the spontaneous side of you a chance to express itself so the next time you think about saying something to someone – which may come very naturally to you as you use your own interests to come up with what to say – just speak up!

Doing this regularly can change your life for the better.

If you would like to learn how to change your life by meeting people, check out The Human Connection Adventure – a course on how to do just that which starts in September, 2021.

Tony Esteves is an international facilitator, coach and circus performer who is passionate about creating human connection. He holds a B.A. in Communication Studies, intentionally meets new people regularly and loves to play and improvise. Tony is based in Canmore, Canada.

He is the author of the book, “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” which is based on how he once met a stranger every day for a year. This book teaches the benefits of meeting people and how you can do it too.

He shares the mental health benefits of connecting with people in his workshops, presentations and one-on-one coaching.

30 Jul Do You Need a Reset?

Posted at 02:26h in Blog, Play

This past weekend in Toronto I was very fortunate to have had the opportunity to attend a “Pop-up-Playground”. This is a place were adults can play together in a safe, inclusive environment. I highly recommend that you take a look at the great work that Reset is doing to help the city of Toronto with their social recovery. In this video, I share a little bit about what the experience of the pop-up-playground was like for me last weekend.

Just Play!

The event was fantastic and expertly facilitated. I don’t want to spoil the surprise of what to expect, but I’ll just say that it was a multi-sensory experience that has left a lasting positive impression. These events are happening until September so get out there and just play.

What is Reset?

Reset is a non profit social enterprise with a mission to create inclusive spaces for adults to play together. Learn more about Reset on their ultra-playful and colourful website, HERE.

International facilitator, virtual event producer and Solution-Focused coach Tony Esteves is passionate about creating human connection. He is the author of “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” and holds a B.A. in Communication Studies. When not facilitating live, or managing virtual events, Tony can be found hiking in the Rocky Mountains west of Calgary or performing in the circus. He is leading a program on how to change your life by meeting new people called, “The Human Connection Adventure” starting in September, 2021.

21 Jul Why should you celebrate progress?

Posted at 18:18h in Blog, Human Connection Adventure

Progress is a very important part of a solution-focused coaching conversation. It’s an even more important part of living a happy life.

It is easy to get caught up in a busy life and to overlook the progress we’ve made towards our goals while life moves forward. But not taking time to reflect on your own progress can be a costly mistake. We risk feeling stuck or living with the mistaken belief that there has been no progress at all.

How can I get past this?

To get past this, you only need to take a little time to measure where you are, against where you were. And the nice thing is that you get to set the parameters. I recommend looking six months or one year into the past for this exercise, and that you measure something that is important to you. Doing so most often leads to discoveries that real progress has been made.

For example

Here is personal example of mine. One year ago today, I was in the middle of what would turn out to be an 8-month process of editing my Talk2MorePeople book with my editor. It took much longer than I expected and at that time, I still wondered if I would ever publish the book.

But six months ago today, on January 21, 2021 I did indeed publish that book! And now it has sold 246 copies in 10 countries. As the author, with this accomplishment I have the option to view the cup as half empty or half full. I can lament that I’ve only sold 246 copies because I set a goal to sell 1000 copies in my first year. But I also have the choice to enthusiastically celebrate that I’ve sold 246 copies which far exceeds the statistical average of less than 100 copies from %90 of indie authors. Furthermore, the book has a perfect 5 star rating on Amazon worldwide.

I have made the choice to celebrate this progress which is why I’m writing today. Here are the main these three reasons that I’ve made this choice:

I am genuinely proud of this accomplishment. I have learned that it is far more important to take time to celebrate accomplishments rather than to continuously seek new challenges to “level up”. Happiness is an inside job.
I know that acknowledging progress is something that I used to struggle with, and doing so just makes me feel positive. I know and believe that I deserve to feel good, and so do you. I get to share this positivity with those around me and with the clients who I am fortunate to work with. Doing so creates a virtuous cycle.
Taking time to remember how I felt “back then” really helps put into perspective just how far I’ve come. It pays to slow down and to think about this from time to time.

So what progress have you been overlooking? It might be helpful to have a friend or a coach ask you this question as it can be easier to view someone else’s accomplishments as more significant than our own. Sometimes we are blinded by our own perspective.

In case you are curios the book has landed in Canada, the USA, UK, Spain, France, Germany, Denmark, Norway, South Africa and Australia thus far. In case you are really, really curious, take a moment to view another project that I am making progress on. It’s a course that I’ll lead starting in September and it’s called, The Human Connection Adventure.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Now, what progress do you deserve to celebrate today?

International facilitator, virtual event producer and Solution-Focused coach Tony Esteves is passionate about creating human connection. He is the author of “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” and holds a B.A. in Communication Studies. When not facilitating live, or managing virtual events, Tony can be found hiking in the Rocky Mountains west of Calgary or performing in the circus.

25 Jun Lessons From Picking Mushrooms

Posted at 05:43h in Blog, Mountains

Not magic, but still magical

No, I wasn’t picking magic mushrooms. Yes, I have enjoyed magic mushrooms, many times.

When I read the headline above, it makes me curious. “What type of mushrooms is he talking about?”

So I’ll apologize in advance if I let you down that this article is not about magic mushrooms in search of psilocybin, or the profound insights you can experience while under their influence, or the laughter, or the mental health benefits when used appropriately. Rather this article is about lessons from picking mushrooms. But this was still a magical experience.

Random is a good option

My most random friend, and contributor to the Talk2MorePeople book, Rob Gregory suggested that we go. He provided us with GPS co-ordinates, we had the weekend open and we said, “Yes.”

We had heard tales of how you can earn hundreds of dollars per day harvesting these rare mushrooms that only grow in recent forest fire locations. Rob sent us GPS coordinates and we headed to BC from Alberta. We weren’t motivated by the potential of making big bucks (although that would have been welcome) but instead were interested to try this because of the element of adventure. It just sounded like such a cool, random thing to try.

But it wasn’t until we were out of range of reception and still trying to find the location when we realized that we didn’t even know what a morel mushroom looked like! We though, “Hmm. Probably should have Googled that one before heading out.” We actually knew nothing about mushroom picking besides the fact that you can pick them in old “burns” and sell them to buyers who camp in the area.

After a couple of turns up the wrong roads, we found a buyer in a tent marked – very helpfully – “Mushroom Buyer” who happily gave us a tutorial on the spot. His name was Bruce. He showed us examples of the mushrooms and even lent us a handy bucket to gather with. A colleague of his with wild eyes and a big smile just encouraged us to get out there and to “look for them with our ears.” He explained that when you walk on thick pine needles, you can hear this crunching and the mushrooms are often there.

And so that’s what we did. We just headed up into the bush, parked the van and went searching.

Hiking aimlessly int “the burn”, (which really was a very ashy forest floor with blackened trees everywhere) might not seem like your idea of a good time, but we had a blast.

It took less than 15 minutes to find the first mushroom.

When Renee found it, I felt like we had just won a prize! It reminded me of the shot of dopamine we receive from a social media interaction. That very thing is one of the reasons why I’m scaling back on my social media use with plans to get off it completely. But this was all a completely natural fix.

Every single person we met while out there was kind and friendly.

I was so grateful for the experience as I had just completed a very busy 10 days of work co-facilitating or supporting virtual events with NeOle.ca and I was ready to get off the screens.

We learned that the price of mushrooms fluctuates dramatically. Just a couple of weeks prior, you could sell your mushrooms for $22 / lb. On this day, they were going for $13.

We were told that we did pretty well for our first day, but I can’t help but think that they were just being kind to us. We brought in 2.3 lbs for a profit of $35. While it’s satisfying to earn a little cash while basically on a hike, we were out there searching that day for 4 hours!

But it was fun, so we did it again the following day. We harvested almost exactly the same quantity the next day but in just over half the time. Someone had told us to “go up”. and we did. While we improved the second day, it was still not profitable as we learned that there were over 200 pickers in the area due to the lack of burn sites from forest fires last year.

To sum it up

We camped for free on Crown Land (which you can do in many places across Canada) and the lightening storm that I witnessed in those stunning mountainous surroundings was astonishing. Check out wikicamps.co if you’d like to learn where to camp for free or for a fee in 5 countries including Canada. We cooked meals out of the back of the van surrounded by mountains and never saw the bear that a family warned us was near where we were camping. We relaxed, laughed and got exercise in a beautiful setting. It was fantastic.

In total we earned a whopping $68 from the mushroom buyers which pretty much covered our gas and I learned some helpful lessons.

The lessons from picking mushrooms

Lesson #1. You don’t have to know everything (or sometimes much of anything) to be successful trying something new. You can learn a skill quickly by just doing it and this also applies to meeting new people.

Lesson #2. Trying something new can be very enjoyable and satisfying. I suspected that I would enjoy this experience as I am a hiking enthusiast, but I didn’t expect to enjoy it so much.

Lesson #3. People are friendly and happy to help, so ask for help.

Lesson# 4. You don’t know if you don’t like experiences that you’ve never had. So go collect life experiences to find out what you like to do. I will absolutely do this again.

I’ll save the lessons I’ve learned from the other type of mushrooms for another story. For now, my wish is that you will consider trying something new as a method to connect you to the earth and / or to other people. And if you’d like to learn more about connecting with other people, check out “The Human Connection Adventure” which is a course that I’m leading beginning this September.

Stay connected and stay active!

International facilitator, virtual event producer and Solution-Focused coach Tony Esteves is passionate about creating human connection. He is the author of “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” and holds a B.A. in Communication Studies. When not facilitating live, or managing virtual events, Tony can be found hiking in the Rocky Mountains west of Calgary or performing in the circus.

15 Apr Join the Human Connection Adventure

Posted at 17:18h in Blog, Human Connection Adventure

Recently we met four lovely strangers and their two dogs at the top of Ha Ling Peak in Canmore, Alberta. It was yet another reminder of how nice it is to talk to people and how easily you can create connections while in nature. If you are feeling excess stress these days, take more time to be in nature. It just might change your life!

And if you would like a real adventure, join the upcoming, “Human Connection Adventure” that will be facilitated by Tony Esteves. This 8-week course (facilitated live over Zoom) will:

teach you how to meet people (based on the Talk2MorePeople book)
help you build self-confidence
get you clear on what to do next with your life

Email Tony(at)Talk2MorePeople.com for the details and for more information.

He shares the mental health benefits of connecting with people in his workshops, presentations and with one-on-one coaching.

11 Mar Learn from the Research on Talking to Strangers

Posted at 18:40h in Blog, Community Stories

What does the research say?

I’ve got more anecdotal evidence than I have time to write about when it comes to the incredible benefits of meeting strangers. It’s changed my life. Here is an opportunity to learn from the research on talking to strangers.

I reference a number of studies in the Talk2MorePeople Book in particular by researcher, Dr. Gillian Sandstrom on talking to strangers. She is a senior lecturer at the University of Essex in the United Kingdom.

I had the good fortune of participating in a study of hers in 2020 when she invited strangers to meet over Zoom. In this short Science Weekly podcast episode by the Guardian, she speaks about the findings from that study. It’s a really informative podcast and they used my voice in it very briefly as well.

A quick tip?

Use your curiosity to connect with people. Be courageous and dare to strike up a conversation with someone. The research proves that you are more likely to be liked than you expect.

Have a listen to this podcast to discover things that you didn’t know about the research on talking to strangers and the psychology behind it. Take a look at Dr. Sandstrom’s extensive work on this subject on her website. You never know, this might just make you a little more open to connecting with people who you don’t yet know. Go ahead, change your life!

He shares the mental health benefits of connecting with people in his workshops, presentations and one-on-one coaching.

03 Feb How to Meet People on the Road: A Conversation with Rene Morales

Posted at 01:20h in Blog, Community Stories, Interviews

Below are segments of a conversation that I recently enjoyed with Rene Morales. He was happy to share his thoughts on what it’s like and what can happen when you are open to meeting strangers. I enjoyed our conversation and his entertaining stories of meeting people so much, that I asked for his permission to write a few of them down to share with others. He kindly agreed.

The motorcycle is just another method of travel. – Rene Morales

Rene is a motorbike enthusiast who has traveled thousands of miles by motorcycle and met countless people along the way. He lives in Calgary, Canada. We had this chat on January 22nd, 2021. Enjoy.

Tony: Thanks for taking the time to speak with me today, Rene. You told me before that you’ve met lots of people while out on your motorcycle. I’m keen to hear about your experience.

Rene: There is this concept that you need to go to exotic locations to have these experiences. But it’s not just exotic locations. What I have learned in talking with people who have travelled for years around the world is to go out there with an open mind and an open heart. That will change how you see things.

Tony: I agree. There are opportunities to have adventures and to meet great people right here at home as well.

Rene: People have different personalities. In the last 3 years what really helped me was mindfulness. I practice meditation on demand, as needed. It increases awareness. It can be a walk in your neighbourhood, or a walk in your park. Be present and be there. Put your phone away, and say hi. Say good morning. That goes a long way when you meet people.

If you start your day with gratitude you start to see something positive in everything.

Tony: I couldn’t agree more. The more present you are to your surroundings, the easier it is to meet people. That’s how we notice what’s going on around us.

Rene: It’s great to observe with curiosity and wonder.

I have talked to people who have said that they are introverts. They say to me, I’m a nerd. So I ask questions, “Like what do you do in your spare time” “Oh, I play the violin.” and I’ll respond, “Wow. That’s so interesting!” And then we are able to talk about that, even though the person tells me they are an introvert.

Tony: Curiosity goes a long way when meeting people and can help you figure out what to say. It’s great that you do that.

Rene: If you trust that everyone has a story, you will meet people.

I always tell people to network with meaning. Be interested in their personal lives. Then the work or what they do will come up. Be interested in their passions and be humble. Even if you know about the subject, just listen.

They might have a different opinion, or they may have different life experience or be from another country, like me.

Even if you don’t agree with them, learn about them and be curious about the why. I think that goes a long way.

Tony: I think that’s one of the most wonderful things about traveling – abroad or in your home country – is the diversity of people and perspectives you can experience if you talk to the local people.

Rene: And you can keep a record of who you meet out there. Keep a journal of your experiences.

This one time, I was pulling into a campground west of Yellowstone National Park and a guy comes up and says, “Oh, it looks like you’ve had a long day.” I was tired and covered in dust from the day. “Do you want to come over for supper with our family?”, he asked. l’m like. “I’m by myself. Why not?” One family was from Utah and the other was from Tennessee. They were the average family and they had a very strong opinions about the current political situation in their country. I didn’t agree with some of their opinions, but it didn’t matter. They shared their food with me and we had such a great conversation.

Oh, and here’s another story. I was in a small cowboy town in Wyoming, USA. I found this small coffee shop that had just 5 tables. I sat at one table. And this rough looking guy came in but there were no tables available. I offered a seat at my table, and he sat down with me. Even though he didn’t seem so friendly we started talking. The man told me that because he thought that banks were corrupt, he kept his money and savings in gold at home. He was curious about me and kept asking me all kinds of questions. I was happy to speak with him.

As I didn’t know of anywhere else to go the next day for breakfast, I asked the waitress, “What time are you open tomorrow?” She told me, “We open at 7 am.” And would you believe it? That same guy was there before me and asked me to join him for breakfast the next morning. This time, he was much more friendly and we had another great conversation.

There really are good people out there. You just need to talk to them.

I’ve been so lucky to experience so much of the world out there, and to be healthy. I know a lot of people who don’t have the confidence, and I believe that everyone can connect with someone else.

Tony: Thank you, Rene for this conversation. I agree that there really are good people out there, and that you just need to talk to them.

What Can We Learn From This Conversation?

We can all learn from Rene’s openness to connect with people when he’s on the road to do so ourselves. He sets a strong example of how we really shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. It’s easy to expect that people don’t want to talk to us in public based on how they look, but we are often mistaken with that assumption.

Above, he shares how he has been able to repeatedly connect with strangers with various life experiences and to enjoy conversations, adventures and meals. You can follow Rene’s adventures on Instagram @reneYYC.

How might you become a little more open to speaking with people in your day-to-day? At a time when many people need to stay close to home, is there someone who you could simply allow a conversation to open up with?