11 Mar

Posted at 18:40h in Blog, Community Stories

What does the research say?

I’ve got more anecdotal evidence than I have time to write about when it comes to the incredible benefits of meeting strangers. It’s changed my life. Here is an opportunity to learn from the research on talking to strangers.

I reference a number of studies in the Talk2MorePeople Book in particular by researcher, Dr. Gillian Sandstrom on talking to strangers. She is a senior lecturer at the University of Essex in the United Kingdom.

I had the good fortune of participating in a study of hers in 2020 when she invited strangers to meet over Zoom. In this short Science Weekly podcast episode by the Guardian, she speaks about the findings from that study. It’s a really informative podcast and they used my voice in it very briefly as well.

A quick tip?

Use your curiosity to connect with people. Be courageous and dare to strike up a conversation with someone. The research proves that you are more likely to be liked than you expect.

Have a listen to this podcast to discover things that you didn’t know about the research on talking to strangers and the psychology behind it. Take a look at Dr. Sandstrom’s extensive work on this subject on her website. You never know, this might just make you a little more open to connecting with people who you don’t yet know. Go ahead, change your life!

Tony Esteves is an international facilitator, coach and circus performer who is passionate about creating human connection. He holds a B.A. in Communication Studies, intentionally meets new people regularly and loves to play and improvise. Tony is based in Calgary, Canada. 

He is the author of the book, “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” which is based on how he once met a stranger every day for a year. This book teaches the benefits of meeting people and how you can do it too.

He shares the mental health benefits of connecting with people in his workshops, presentations and one-on-one coaching.

03 Feb

Posted at 01:20h in Blog, Community Stories, Interviews

Below are segments of a conversation that I recently enjoyed with Rene Morales. He was happy to share his thoughts on what it’s like and what can happen when you are open to meeting strangers. I enjoyed our conversation and his entertaining stories of meeting people so much, that I asked for his permission to write a few of them down to share with others. He kindly agreed.

The motorcycle is just another method of travel. – Rene Morales

Rene is a motorbike enthusiast who has traveled thousands of miles by motorcycle and met countless people along the way. He lives in Calgary, Canada. We had this chat on January 22nd, 2021. Enjoy.

Tony: Thanks for taking the time to speak with me today, Rene. You told me before that you’ve met lots of people while out on your motorcycle. I’m keen to hear about your experience.

Rene: There is this concept that you need to go to exotic locations to have these experiences. But it’s not just exotic locations. What I have learned in talking with people who have travelled for years around the world is to go out there with an open mind and an open heart. That will change how you see things.

Tony: I agree. There are opportunities to have adventures and to meet great people right here at home as well.

Rene: People have different personalities. In the last 3 years what really helped me was mindfulness. I practice meditation on demand, as needed. It increases awareness. It can be a walk in your neighbourhood, or a walk in your park. Be present and be there. Put your phone away, and say hi. Say good morning. That goes a long way when you meet people.

If you start your day with gratitude you start to see something positive in everything.

Tony: I couldn’t agree more. The more present you are to your surroundings, the easier it is to meet people. That’s how we notice what’s going on around us.

Rene: It’s great to observe with curiosity and wonder.

I have talked to people who have said that they are introverts. They say to me, I’m a nerd. So I ask questions, “Like what do you do in your spare time” “Oh, I play the violin.” and I’ll respond, “Wow. That’s so interesting!” And then we are able to talk about that, even though the person tells me they are an introvert.

Tony: Curiosity goes a long way when meeting people and can help you figure out what to say. It’s great that you do that.

Rene: If you trust that everyone has a story, you will meet people.

I always tell people to network with meaning. Be interested in their personal lives. Then the work or what they do will come up. Be interested in their passions and be humble. Even if you know about the subject, just listen.

They might have a different opinion, or they may have different life experience or be from another country, like me.

Even if you don’t agree with them, learn about them and be curious about the why. I think that goes a long way.

Tony: I think that’s one of the most wonderful things about traveling – abroad or in your home country – is the diversity of people and perspectives you can experience if you talk to the local people.

Rene: And you can keep a record of who you meet out there. Keep a journal of your experiences.

This one time, I was pulling into a campground west of Yellowstone National Park and a guy comes up and says, “Oh, it looks like you’ve had a long day.” I was tired and covered in dust from the day. “Do you want to come over for supper with our family?”, he asked. l’m like. “I’m by myself. Why not?” One family was from Utah and the other was from Tennessee. They were the average family and they had a very strong opinions about the current political situation in their country. I didn’t agree with some of their opinions, but it didn’t matter. They shared their food with me and we had such a great conversation.

Oh, and here’s another story. I was in a small cowboy town in Wyoming, USA. I found this small coffee shop that had just 5 tables. I sat at one table. And this rough looking guy came in but there were no tables available. I offered a seat at my table, and he sat down with me. Even though he didn’t seem so friendly we started talking. The man told me that because he thought that banks were corrupt, he kept his money and savings in gold at home. He was curious about me and kept asking me all kinds of questions. I was happy to speak with him.

As I didn’t know of anywhere else to go the next day for breakfast, I asked the waitress, “What time are you open tomorrow?” She told me, “We open at 7 am.” And would you believe it? That same guy was there before me and asked me to join him for breakfast the next morning. This time, he was much more friendly and we had another great conversation.

There really are good people out there. You just need to talk to them.

I’ve been so lucky to experience so much of the world out there, and to be healthy. I know a lot of people who don’t have the confidence, and I believe that everyone can connect with someone else.

Tony: Thank you, Rene for this conversation. I agree that there really are good people out there, and that you just need to talk to them.

What Can We Learn From This Conversation?

We can all learn from Rene’s openness to connect with people when he’s on the road to do so ourselves. He sets a strong example of how we really shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. It’s easy to expect that people don’t want to talk to us in public based on how they look, but we are often mistaken with that assumption.

Above, he shares how he has been able to repeatedly connect with strangers with various life experiences and to enjoy conversations, adventures and meals. You can follow Rene’s adventures on Instagram @reneYYC.

How might you become a little more open to speaking with people in your day-to-day? At a time when many people need to stay close to home, is there someone who you could simply allow a conversation to open up with?

Happy connecting.

Tony Esteves is an international facilitator, coach and circus performer who is passionate about creating human connection. He holds a B.A. in Communication Studies, intentionally meets new people regularly and loves to play and improvise. Tony is based in Calgary, Canada. 

He is the author of the book, “Talk2MorePeople: Change Your Life by Meeting People” which is based on how he once met a stranger every day for a year. This book teaches the benefits of meeting people and how you can do it too.

He shares the mental health benefits of connecting with people in his workshops, presentations and through coaching. For free tips on how to meet people, and for more stories like this, join Tony’s newsletter at https://Tinyurl.com/T2MPnews/.

28 Jan

Posted at 19:56h in Community Stories

 

This is a story that was given to me by Eily Aurora. She is one of the contributors to the Talk2MorePeople book and shared how a specific question that she asked a stranger who she came across impacted that conversation.

Eily is open to being contacted if you would like to connect with her. You can reach Eily at eily at eilyaurora.com.

 

07 Jan

Posted at 20:48h in Blog, Talk 2 More People Movement, Talk2MorePeople Book

Well, the day has finally come!

Attend this book launch to network on Thursday, January 21st. 

The events will be for networking and to celebrate the launch of the book. There will be juggling. It will be fun. This book project began 9 years ago, so join the celebration, and meet some cool people. Several of the contributors to the book will be in attendance as well.

Please register on the Eventbrite page for the zoom info and use these links if you’d like to invite anyone to join either event. You are most welcome to attend both. It is a $20 event but free for anyone who contributed to the book. There remain limited free tickets now for anyone who would like one.

Eventbrite Links Below:

Early Event Thursday, January 21st

11 am MST; 1 pm EST; 7 pm GMT

https://Tinyurl.com/T2MPearlylaunch/

Evening Event Thursday, January 21st

6 pm MST; 8 pm EST

https://Tinyurl.com/T2MPlaunch/

I will be encouraging people to purchase either the eBook or the paperback on Amazon before and on the launch day. I am releasing the eBook through the “Kindle Unlimited” program which means that I’ll be exclusively selling the eBook on Kindle for at least the first 3 months. Anyone can download the free Kindle app even if they don’t have a Kindle to buy/view the eBook.

The easiest way to find the book on Amazon is to type, “Talk2MorePeople” into the search window. The paperback and eBook are currently available worldwide and have sold in 4 countries so far. You can also follow this link:

https://Tinyurl.com/T2MPbook/

Below is a look at the front and back cover for you to understand a little more of what is inside the book. Finally, if you do not yet receive my newsletter and would like to keep an occasional eye or ear on what I’m up to, please join me here:

https://Tinyurl.com/T2MPnews/

17 Nov

Posted at 05:12h in Blog, Mindfulness, Talk2MorePeople Book

A Festival of Kindness

A kindness festival is an opportunity for you to learn, to join in, to be kind and to make a positive difference to the people in your life – who you might not even know.

On November 13th, 2020 I had the opportunity to attend a virtual “Kindfest” – which was a festival of kindness. It was hosted by TeamKind.org.uk in England and was a really worthwhile experience. I was impressed that they sold over 6000 tickets, and you could purchase a ticket for a stranger that people could collect on Fridays leading up to the festival. All proceeds went to local charities. How cool is that?

The event featured more than 150 presenters who shared stories, conversations and research on kindness today, and how to create more of it.

Share Kindness

It is amazing how easily we can each share a random act of kindness, or just the willingness to talk to a stranger. Acts like this can save people’s lives. Here is a look at how the host of Kindfest and BBC journalist, Kamilah McInnis’s shared her story about how much a random act of kindness supported her during a time of crisis.

Having dealt with depression myself, I was thrilled with the event because I see it as an effective platform to bring positivity to many people. I am certain that many of the participants took away learning experiences to benefit their communities. I know that I did.

Below is a 3-minute video about my experience at this kindness festival.

Be Kind Today

Go ahead. Be kind today. Follow @TeamKindUK on Instagram for many great ideas on how you can. One offer from their “Kindness Calendar“ is to volunteer.

“When you volunteer, you gain access to people you would not otherwise have an opportunity to meet and you support your community as well.”

I took a page out of my own book – literally – in the quote above. The Talk2MorePeople book is now being proofread and will publish on January 21, 2021. The timing of this event was perfect because it was just in time for me to squeeze the Teamkind.org.uk website into the Other Resources section of the Talk2MorePeople book. So my readers will learn more about kindness today as well as how to meet people.

Today’s, we need more experiences like Kindfest to help keep us connected. Human connection and interpersonal relationships are more important than ever now. So don’t miss Kindfest 2021.

Keep connecting!

 

International facilitator, performing artist and Solution-Focussed coach Tony Esteves is passionate about creating human connection, going up or down mountains and adventure. He holds a B.A. in Communication Studies, intentionally meets new people regularly and loves to play and improvise. Random life adventures keep Tony energized and grounded and he exists in Calgary, Canada.

Having lived, worked or travelled to 40 countries, he has facilitated learning experiences in North America, Europe and South Africa and learned a few languages along the way. He has only been kicked out of Hungary once and found himself working on a U.S. Military base in Uzbekistan for a while. 

He created the Talk2MorePeople Project which evolved into a year-long journey of human connection. In that year he met over 550 strangers and his mental health was transformed. Tony shares those insights with groups who value entertaining learning experiences and conversations. Meeting a stranger is how he joined the circus and why he has a mirror suit.

Join Tony’s adventure to help put an end to the epidemic of loneliness in the world today at Talk2MorePeople.com or find him @Talk2MorePeople. For worthwhile and entertaining content on human connection, and upcoming publications and performances, join his newsletter at https://bit.ly/2y63g8f .

01 Oct

Posted at 17:05h in Blog, Talk2MorePeople Book

Being helpful is a good thing just for its own sake. And when you offer help to a stranger, you have a great opportunity to make a new connection. But far too often, we see an opportunity to help and let it slip by. People are less likely to help out when amongst a large group of people.  This is a psychological phenomenon called diffusion of responsibility.

But you don’t need to miss out on your next chance to help. Doing so creates an interaction that you otherwise would not have had. Take advantage of these opportunities to be of service to your community and see what happens. In this VIDEO below, I explain how that allowed me to meet a stranger last week.

I also recommend that you check out the film called, “The Outside Story.” It’s a film about human connection and is part of the Calgary International Film Festival which is on now.

 

Tony Esteves is an entrepreneur and performer who dearly wants more people to connect face-to-face. He is an artist, facilitator and coach who created the Talk2MorePeople Project. In 2016/17 he met at least one new stranger a day for a full year. The Talk2MorePeople book – a guidebook for how to meet people, will be released on January 21, 2021. Tony is passionate about being outdoors, travel and play. 

13 Aug

Posted at 19:35h in Blog, Play

You can use play to meet people. If you work too much, you can bring play into your life to balance it out a little more. So why not bring some play to your day?

In the video below you can learn how to juggle. But it’s not just any tutorial. This video is part of an important series called, “Everyone’s a Caregiver” and was created to share positivity with front line health care workers. The full playlist is HERE and includes 6-minute micro-webinars of wisdom from top thought leaders today. Click on the image below to view my video. Enjoy.

UPCOMING EVENTS

The Living Room Series

On August 30th at 1 pm EST, join the Living Room Series online for a meaningful discussion about the subject of patience. The Living Room Series facilitates events where people participate in facilitated discussions that allow for deep insights. Their online sessions have been great thus far. Register for free HERE.

TEDxYYC

This year, TEDxYYC will be happening at the Calgary Big Art Drive-in on August 20th. You can experience the amazing speakers from your car. I find this to be a truly innovative way to make this incredible event still happen at this time.  Currently, tickets are available HERE.

Mindcamp Choice

Canada’s creativity conference, Mindcamp usually takes place in August north of Toronto. This year it will take place online from September 25th – 27th. More information is HERE and you can contact me if you’d like to know more about registration etc. For the most up to date information check out Mindcamp Connect – the global online creativity community HERE.

Tony Esteves is an entrepreneur and performer who dearly wants more people to connect face-to-face. He is an artist, facilitator and coach who created the Talk2MorePeople Project. In 2016/17 he met at least one new stranger a day for a full year. The Talk2MorePeople book – a guidebook for how to meet people, will be released on January 21, 2021. Tony is passionate about being outdoors, travel and play. 

06 Aug

Posted at 16:01h in Blog

On a flight last week from Toronto to London, Ontario, everybody was wearing masks. Of course, now we have to. And it struck me how this really levels the playing field. No matter if you are in economy, business or first class, at this time, you must wear a mask while flying. I don’t enjoy wearing a mask, but I agree that it can help reduce the transmission of COVID-19, so I’m ok to wear one. 

Offer a Greeting

I greeted the woman who had the window seat next to where I was to sit by just saying, “Hello.” She said the same back but we did not get into a conversation. This 78 passenger plane has two rows of two down each side and the flight was full. About I’m not pushy about having a conversation with the person sitting next to me on the flight, but I always make a point of letting the other person know that I’m open to it, by at least greeting them. 

A conversation is born

About 30 minutes into the flight, she said to me, “You are a really good juggler.” I said, “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say. It’s because I’m in a circus.” And can you imagine, with that, we got into a conversation? I had been juggling while inside the airport terminal to pass the time.

We chatted about how the performing arts world is being forced to evolve at this time and how many people including her daughter, are deciding to do something different than what they had planned pre-pandemic. And in general, we both agree that this is a good thing.

Of course, there are many negatives that have come from this global disruption, but I for one am grateful for how it – at least for a moment – slowed the world down. 

We talked about how the nuances of body language that are in a person’s face, are now missing. And how this forced lack of connection has made it more important for people to connect than ever before. The flight that we were on was much louder than I remember flights being as it seemed that pretty much everyone was speaking to one another. My partner, Renee had a lovely conversation with a woman beside her as well. She was just returning home from three months of isolation supporting indigenous communities with their mental health. 

The rules are changing

You can meet people in a pandemic, and the same rules and mindsets laid out for you in this book apply. You must have a willingness to connect with other people in order for it to be possible. And showing this willingness can start as easily as a simple greeting when you encounter another person. Ironically, even though while we are all in masks, we may look much less likely to be willing to engage in a conversation with a stranger, we may need it and be open to it more than ever. 

Here is an ARTICLE I wrote 7 years ago about how I met a celebrity by having a conversation on a flight. Society’s social rules are changing now, so why not give it a try?

Tony Esteves is an entrepreneur and performer who dearly wants more people to connect face-to-face. He is a facilitator and coach who created the Talk2MorePeople Project. In 2016/17 he met at least one new stranger a day for a full year. The Talk2MorePeople book – a guidebook for how to meet people, will be released on January 21, 2021. Tony is passionate about being outdoors, travel and play. 

30 Jul

Posted at 03:59h in Blog, Talk 2 More People Movement, Talk2MorePeople Book

Like many people in the world, I have spent my time locked down. Recently due to coming into contact with someone who had COVID-19, my partner and I had to self-isolate for 14 days and get tested. Thankfully the person who we were exposed to only developed very mild symptoms and has fully recovered. We did not catch it at all.

A stranger appeared hanging outside the apartment

One afternoon I noticed ropes hanging down past the apartment windows. We are on the third floor of this building. Eventually, a man descended in full climbing gear.  He was cleaning the windows. That was Sam.

Even though he was working and we had never met before, he kindly took a break from his work to entertain the questions that I had for him about his unique job. He literally hung out with me for more than 5 minutes. It was great. Here is a short video where I captured some of Sam’s thoughts about how some people avoid meeting people.

Here are a few of the questions that I asked:

Me: “Have you ever stumbled upon anything super-crazy or weird in an apartment that you were working on?”

Sam: “No: I don’t look inside. Although sometimes pets will come to the windows and swat at the cleaning equipment as I am working.”

Me: “What’s the tallest building you’ve worked on?”

Sam: “47 stories. It was the first building that I ever did. But I love this job. It’s great.”

Speaking with Sam was really enjoyable because I got to learn more about his profession, and it was just nice to speak with someone new, in-person towards the end of my quarantine.

So how do you meet people while in quarantine?

There are opportunities to meet people everywhere you look. It takes the willingness and openness to these opportunities to allow them to happen. It’s not common for someone to appear outside your window, but people are everywhere. Communicate with people when you can and keep connected.

Wherever you are in the world at this time, how might you connect with a new person in the coming days?

Tony Esteves is an entrepreneur and performer who dearly wants more people to connect face-to-face. He is a facilitator and coach who created the Talk2MorePeople Project. In 2016/17 he met at least one new stranger a day for a full year. The Talk2MorePeople book – a guidebook for how to meet people, will be released on January 21, 2021. Tony is passionate about being outdoors, travel and play. 

16 Jul

Posted at 18:19h in Blog, Talk 2 More People Movement, Talk2MorePeople Book, Travel

Do you ever think of something that you’d like to ask someone, but chicken out? It can be intimidating to approach someone you don’t know. You might think, “What if they are annoyed? What if they tell me to get lost? What if I make a fool out of myself?”

These are all common and understandable concerns. However, these fears are rarely realized for two reasons:

1. Most people simply don’t approach strangers even when they think of something to say.

2. When people to approach strangers, they rarely get rejected.

Speak Your Mind to Meet People

It is a healthy thing to do to speak your mind to meet people. Last week in Jasper, Alberta, I met a lovely young couple. I had something that I wanted to say to them. Well, actually it was a question that I had. I noticed them from where we were camping. I had observed that they had a very tiny baby with them. They were camping in a trailer. Upon seeing that, the question that came to me was,

“How long can you travel with a tiny baby?”

I saw that they were packing up their camp when I was on my way to the washroom. At that point, I thought, “Oh, it looks like they are getting ready to go. If I’m going to speak to them, I need to act now!” So I did.

Act on Impulse

Rather than take my pee as planned, I made a sudden change in my course and b-lined for their camp. Upon approaching, this is what I said,

“Excuse me. May I ask you a quick question?” Danielle happily said, “Sure.” “I see that you’ve got an infant here. Are you travelling for a weekend or a week? How long can you travel with a tiny baby?”

And with that, I met the parents Jake and Danielle, and we got into a really enjoyable conversation. I didn’t expect to get rejected as having approached thousands of strangers over the years has proven to me, it’s extremely rare to get turned down. In fact, Danielle expressed her gratitude for my approach as we learned about how they had been travelling for four months already. I was able to share some recommendations for great places for them to visit in Alberta and British Colombia.

This conversation made my day. I also loved how they were ok to have their photo taken, but did not want their child’s face in it. They keep their baby’s face out of all photos – brilliant!

Thoughts about what we see and experience in our surroundings run through our mind all the time every day. Use these thoughts to help you connect with strangers. You will be happy that you did.

We need human connection now more than ever.

Tony Esteves is an entrepreneur and performer who dearly wants more people to connect face-to-face. He is a facilitator and coach who created the Talk2MorePeople Project. In 2016/17 he met at least one new stranger a day for a full year. The Talk2MorePeople book – a guidebook for how to meet people, will be released on January 21, 2021. Tony is passionate about being outdoors, travel and play.